Why Itachi, why?
by xInoBabe
Summary: Have you been wondering just why did Itachi slaughter his whole clan? Well...he tells his story. And what does Sasuke exactly put in his tea...? Read on to find out... Warnings: Story contains plenty of proof of the author's idiocy and stupidity.


This story is based on a real life situation. I was put into the tragic part of Itachi and my evil little sister played the role of Sasuke. I do not like her. Now, I think you can tell which parts are fiction and which parts actually happened and which parts are going to happen soon. Haha just kidding…but anyways it's not that I don't like Sasuke…it's just that his relationship with Itachi describes mine with my sister. So read and enjoy! I don't care if you flame or not…this was pretty crappy but read anyways!

Disclaimer: No, I do not own _Naruto_ or any of the fabulous characters, like Itachi, Sasuke, Ino, Shikamaru, and co. And if I did own _Naruto_, I'd kill off Sakura, make Ino the star and Shikamaru the costar and turn Sasuke back into a better person and not a stupid jerk.

Have you ever wondered why Itachi killed the whole Uchiha clan? Well, let's hear the reasons people came up with.

Kisame: Itachi wanted to have fun. Killing is fun. Kisame like to kill. ebil grin

Sasuke: Because he wants me to live through hell. looks at wall with an intensity of a million volcanoes And probably because he got tired of poking me on the forehead and thought of a better and permanent way to keep me away.

Naruto: Oh I know why! It's because his clan deprived him of ramen so he went crazy and killed everyone! Believe it! punches fist into the air

Girls of Kohona: He's sexy like that. has hearts in their eyes

Orochimaru: He wanted power of course. smirks

Well…you're all wrong! Here's the _real _reason why Itachi killed his clan, written by Itachi himself!

My family and I were out for brunch one afternoon in a lovely quaint Uchiha restaurant with a gorgeous white façade and where the eggs benedict is simply delightful with a delicious hollandaise sauce, but enough about the food. We visited this place weekly, and our waiter, Francisco, knew that after breakfast I **always** had green tea. He brought out the delicate china teapot full of boiling water along with the cup and the saucer with the green tea bag. Now, I take my tea very seriously. It's what keeps me sane and a step down from being a psycho maniac, like Gaara.

Now, I steeped the bag into the teapot and waited patiently for the tea. I poured myself a cup and my foolish little brother, Sasuke, God damn his little heart to hell, wanted a taste. The waiter brought out a cup for him and my God forsaken mother forced me to pour him some. I did. I made sure I "accidentally" poured some of the scalding hot tea onto his hands.

I drank some of my tea and saw my brother pour the rest of his tea in the pot because apparently it was 'nasty'. I finished up the rest of my tea in a delicate manner and I was about to pour some more when out of the corner of my eye I saw my foolish little brother pouring another cup of tea back into there. _Strange_, I thought to myself. I opened the top of the teapot and looked inside. It was cloudy. I turned my head slowly and with much strain to face my baka of a brother.

"What….the…fuck…did…you…do…to…my…tea," I said slowly through gritted teeth.

"I added some sugar in it." He laughed evilly.

"WHY THE FUCK DID YOU DO THAT!" I jumped up, furious, almost a psychopath.

"Because..."

"BECAUSE WHY!"  
"Because I was bored!"

I lunged at my brother but my damn mother stopped me and scolded me. CAN YOU BELIEVE IT! SHE SCOLDED ME! HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO TAKE MY PILLS NOW!

I sat down, fuming.

"Come on son, you're supposed to be the older brother. Be nice to your younger brother," said my father.

"HE'S SO ANNOYING AND I HATE HIM! HE'S BEEN BOTERHING ME ABOUT EVERYTHING SINCE FOREVER! HE'S ALWAYS TRYING TO SCREW UP MY LIFE! WHY COULDN'T YOU TWO RESIST EACH OTHER FOR A FEW YEARS, UNTIL I MOVE OUT, BEFORE HAVING ANOTHER LITTLE BOY! THE LEAST YOU COULD'VE DONE WAS USE A FUCKING CONDOM! MY GOSH WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU THINKING!" I calmed down a bit while the whole restaurant stared at me and my parents gaped at me.

On the ride back home…

"Itachi, you're grounded."

"How long." It wasn't a question.

"A month for every word you said."

"A FUCKING MONTH FOR EACH!"

"You want to make it a year for each?"

Sasuke sat snickering. "Teenagers and their hormones."

Now it was dangerous…I haven't been taking my pills for the past 2 weeks because I was so busy…and I didn't take it that day. I turned into a psychopath slowly...

First I killed my best friend. He was a pain in the arse, always asking me why I had a crazy look in my eye and if everything was ok. Now if you've read the manga, you'd know what had happened next. But the manga got some things wrong. I didn't get the Mangekyo sharingan from killing my best friend. I got it because I was going crazy. And insanity was contagious. How do you think the Akatsuki got formed? Akatsuki means "organization of mental psychotic people joined under one name". Well…most of them were already insane in the first place. They didn't really need my help. Most of them were freaks of nature so they were emotionally scarred thanks to the cruelty of child mockery. Ok seriously, one's a shark freak…I mean what the fuck. Did his mom fuck a shark or did a shark fuck his dad? Another one turned himself into a puppet…makes you wonder if he still has a brain in that hallow shell. And another one…he's half plant…I wonder who fucked the plant…I wonder **how**…ok well I'm done thinking for the day.

Now, here's how I really killed my friend. I planned on killing my whole clan with a special tea I prepared that had some special poison that would only be neutralized with a special ingredient. Now, this tea was green tea, so no one in their right mind would put that special ingredient into it. I tried it on my friend. It worked. I threw his body into the river.

I had to wait for the perfect opportunity. Meanwhile, I decided to taunt my brother before the day came.

Me: Do you know why you're so short?

Sasuke: Why?

Me: Because you lack hatred. Do you know why you sit like a girl?

Sasuke: I don't sit like a girl!…all the time…

Me: It's because you lack hatred. Do you know why you haven't been shaving yet?

Sasuke: Because I'm a little boy!

Me: No. It's because you lack hatred.

When my parents decided to have a day of feasting for all of the Uchiha, because it was _baby Sasuke's birthday_, I knew it was time to strike. I served the tea to everyone, except me of course. They all drank it and fell dead. To give myself a better reputation, I just started stabbing the dead bodies. Doing that also helped make sure there were no survivors.

Of course, one person survived. Only _he_ would be stupid enough to put the special secret ingredient into his tea: s….soy sauce. And the rest, they say, is history.

Well, I let him survive so I could just torture him throughout life. Who do you think was the one who super glued all of the magnets onto him? Why do you think he's such a chick magnet, eh? And who do you think arranged for him to be on the same team as Naruto and Sakura? Who do you think made his head look like the butt side of a chicken? Yes…I've done many more things to that little boy...he hasn't tracked any of it to me.

If I could say anything to him today, I'd ask him, "Why do your cheeks puff out like a bloated blowfish on her period when you're blowing flames? It's because you lack hatred."

Yes…and that is why Itachi has killed his clan: his brother is a stupid good for nothing tea wrecker. Joining the Akatsuki has him and the other psychotic weirdos talking about their feelings everyday on Tuesday. If possible, it's made them even more psychotic…they've been sharing their evil dreams and plots which they're trying to put into action…something about deranged pink elephants running around Kohona throwing man-eating blue banana hybrids with sharp teeth at everyone and then blocking out the sun with a sugar cube so then it'll melt and caramelize the village into something edible for Kisame to eat…

But anyways, now that you know the real story, I hope your view of Itachi has changed. He really is a wonderful person trying to defend his tea, not a merciless, blood thirsty killer.

The End

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Heh well yuh it sucked buuut i couldn't get it out of my mind to write it down...please review and tell meh if i have any mistakes...mkay? Thank you :


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